Bawdy

A horny young sailor named Clark,

Who picked up a slut in a park,

She was ugly and crude,

And a horror when nude,

But she was good for a shag in the dark.

There was a young lady from Tottenham

Whose manners... well, she had forgotten 'em

At tea at the vicar's

She wipped off her knickers

Exclaiming she felt far too hot in 'em.

There once was a lass from Madras

Who had a magnificent ass.

It was not what you think,

Soft and rounded and pink,

But was gray, had long ears, and ate grass.

There once was a girl, Miley Cyrus

Who used her tongue to inspire us

I don't get her plans

Said her critics and her fans

But I hope she dosen't desire us

Upon high Olympus, great Zeus

Muttered angrily, "Oh, what the deuce!

It takes spiced ambrosia

To get the nymphs cosier

And Hera supplies grapefruit juice."

The once-steemed Lady Hortense

Contracted from one of our gents

A social bequest

She passed on to the best

With what we feel was malice prepense.

There was a young lady of Florence

Who could not abide D. H. Lawrence

When invited by Frieda

To follow the leader

She expressed what is best called abhorrence.

There once was a leopardess, Dot,

Who indignantly answered: "I'll not!

The gents are impressed

With the way that I'm dressed.

I wouldn't change even one spot!"

What's the deal with this toilet-seat crap?

If we don't put it up, there's a flap.

Leave it up, and we get,

A new lecture yet.

Either way, we'll be in for a rap.

Of this story we hear from Nantucket,

About the mysterious loss of a bucket,

We are sorry for Nan,

As well as the man

The cash and the bucket, Pawtucket.