Michael Ray Burch

Relativity, the theorists' creed,

Says mass increases with speed.

My (m)ass grows when I sit it.

Mr. Einstein, get with it;

Equate its deflation, I plead!

Hawking, who makes my head spin,

Says time may flow backward, I grin,

Imagining the surprise

In my mother's eyes

When I head for the womb once again!

Einstein, the frizzy-haired,

Said E equals MC squared.

Thus all mass decreases,

As activity ceases?

Not my mass, my ass declared!

There once was a leopardess, Dot,

Who indignantly answered: "I'll not!

The gents are impressed

With the way that I'm dressed.

I wouldn't change even one spot!"