Bawdy

A sensitive aardvark called Mingus

Found foreplay hard work with no fingers.

But his praises are sung

For his fourteen inch tongue

Gives his ladies a pleasure that lingers.

Although candy is dandy, what's finer

And much quicker is liquor, so wine her.

Is a peck on the cheek

All the boon that you seek?

Tut! The odds say your goal's her vaginer.

There once was a security guard

Who had some troubles keeping it hard

He jerked it off nightly

And squeezed it tightly

While looking at his identification card.

Breathed a tender young man from Australia

My darling, please let me unveilia,

And then, of my own,

If you'll kindly lie prone,

I'll endeavor, my sweet, to impalia.

A sweet farmer's daughter named Kay

Met a slick city waiter one May.

He asked, "In the mood

For some good Chinese food?"

So they had a spring roll--in the hay

The Pious Mahatma Gandhi

Awoke one morn with a dandy

He exclaimed to an aide,

Go get me a maid

Or a goat, or anything handy

A young escape artist by the name of Sweeny.

His girl was a bit of a meany.

At the hatch of her snach.

She had a catch that would latch.

So she could only be fucked by Houdini.

There was a young lady of Worcester

Who complained that so many men goosed her.

So over her caper

She laid some sandpaper

Now they goose her much less than they used ter.

"Adultery," said Joseph, "is nice;

If once is all right—better twice.

This doubling of rations

Improves my sensations,

For the plural of spouse, friend, is spice."

There once was a Warden of Wadham

Who approved of the folkways of Sodom,

For a man might, he said,

Have a very poor head

But be a fine Fellow, at bottom.