Bawdy

My back aches and my pussy is sore;

I simply can't fuck anymore,

I'm covered in sweat,

You haven't come yet,

And, my god, it's quarter to four.

There once was a man from Van Isle

Who said just jogging wasn't his style,

"I'll get my workouts," he said,

"At home in my bed;

'Cause a miss is as good as a mile."

There once was a man from Australia

Who had extra-large genitalia,

He said to his bride,

Don't try to hide;

"'Cause wherever you go I can nail ya"

As Monica held on his bum,

Bill told her to swallow his cum,

She'd later confess,

That it dripped down her dress,

Now everyone says he's dumb.

The first man to fuck Brigid Borphy,

Was awarded the Krafft-Ebing Trophy,

Plus 10'000 quid,

Which, for what the chap did,

Will be widely denounced as a low fee

There once was a man from Brighton,

Who said to his girl, "You're a tight one,"

She said, "Pardon my soul,

But you're in the wrong hole.

There's plenty of room in the right one."

There once was a lady named Jane,

Who screwed a moose on the back of a train,

On her head, antlers grew,

And she started to "moo",

But doggie-style wasn't a strain.

There once was a man named Eugene,

Who invented a fucking machine.

Concave and convex,

It served either sex,

But man was it a bitch to clean.

I once knew a man from Nantucket,

Whose dick was so long he could suck it,

He said with a grin,

With cum on his chin,

If my ear was a cunt I'd fuck it!

There once was a man from St. Lou,

Who gave his dear sister a screw,

He said with aplomb:

"You're better than Mom."

Said she: "That's what Dad told me too."