Robert Conquest

That snobbish surreadata.frame, Garsall,

Once did himself up in a parcel;

He addressed it 'Lord Garsall,

The Keep, Garsall Castle'

And mailed it first-class up his arsehole.

There was plenty of good-natured chaff,

When I popped in to fuck the giraffe,

And the PRZS,

Could hardly suppress,

A dry professorial laugh.

A usage that's seldom got right

Is when to say shit and when shite,

And many a chap,

Will fall back on crap,

Which is vulgar, evasive, and trite.

There was a young fellow called Shit,

A name he disliked quite a bit,

So he changed it to Shite,

A step in the right

Direction, one has to admit.

There once was a Marxist named Lenin,

Who did two or three million men in,

That's a lot to have done in,

But where he did one in,

That old bastard Stalin did ten in.

Seven Ages: first puking and mewling

Then very pissed-off with your schooling,

Then fucks and then fights,

Next judging chaps' rights,

Then sitting in slippers: then drooling.